i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize