Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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