Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
