I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I currently don't understand fingers.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
