I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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