OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
