final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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