Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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