Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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