so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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