He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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