yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i drank out of a bidet.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
