I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
