Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
