Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
