You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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