i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
