can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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