I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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