then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize