I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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