I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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