I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
