So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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