We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
