We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Your cock deserves a montage
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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