Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
