tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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