wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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