that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
