I am in a vortex of obligation.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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