Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts

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(407): View more from Florida

and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.

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(+45): View more from Denmark

I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned

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(252): View more from North Carolina

Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.

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