Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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