Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize