it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
