Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
