Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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