Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
