I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
