I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize