a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
