ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
