recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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