Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
