Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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