It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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