Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
