I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
