I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
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