i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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