Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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