I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
