i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
