I think I won the penis lottery.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I would ride that face into the sunset
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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