The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
