tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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