shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
