dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
