He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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