just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
