just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
