Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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