god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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