Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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