We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
