Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
