Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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