Can i not drive my cunt home
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
