Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
