A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
