Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
