I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
