apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
