On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize