When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
