I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
