You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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