Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
