i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
