ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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