So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
