I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
