He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
