how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize