they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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