Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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