I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
