oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
