the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
organizing the empties. That sober.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
