you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize