yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i dont even know how to be here
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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