Already got asked if we're dating
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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