U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
