I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize