the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
