I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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