Apparently you make a good broom.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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