he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
