Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
