if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How external is "for external use only"?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
