worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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