Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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