There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
being pregnant is like rehab
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize