i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think I won the penis lottery.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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