I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
