I wish I could teleport
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
