"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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