I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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