sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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